When Your First No Becomes a Character Flaw

Last Friday, I shared a post about my brand – the coffee, the pink, the gnomes, the faith, the strong opinions, and the fact that when someone hires me, they are getting all of my expertise and experience, but also all of ME, including my passion, my heart, and my “aggressive helpfulness.”

Then someone left a public comment that was complimentary…right up until it wasn’t.

She said she remembered me from years ago as generous, approachable, and real, but watching the evolution of my business, and seeing my prices rise, had stopped feeling like the Alison she remembered. Then she ended with this:

“I really loved that earlier version of your business. She felt genuine and accessible. I miss seeing that.”

I’m not going to lie, I had to reread the comment multiple times because I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.

And listen, this was not some random internet stranger. This was someone I had helped repeatedly over the years. I had shared free advice with her, taught her how to use AI, and given her feedback on her business without ever charging her.

When she considered working with me, my business was in a season of transition and my prices were about to increase. She knew that, made the decision that was right for her at the time, and we went in different directions with no hard feelings.

At one point, the conversation turned to whether I would sell her my Notion templates at a steep discount. I said no.

That wasn’t personal, and it wasn’t evidence that I had stopped being generous. It was a boundary I had already set in my business and had been open about: I don’t sell templates. My work is about helping business owners build and implement systems that fit the way they actually operate, not handing over a collection of pages and sending them on their way.

But what really made the comment sting was the suggestion that the growth of my business, and the boundaries that came with it, somehow meant I was no longer the generous or genuine person she remembered.

I was angry, partly because pricing feedback is one thing, but publicly suggesting that someone has become less genuine because you no longer like the way they sell or what they charge is something else entirely.

It takes a business decision and turns it into a character accusation.

Your Boundaries Are Not a Character Flaw

When your boundaries no longer benefit them, instead of acknowledging that the business relationship has changed, some people will decide you have changed in some terrible, morally suspicious way.

Now you may have changed, and that’s okay. I certainly have. My expertise is deeper, my offers are more developed, my work creates a bigger transformation, and my business is no longer the baby business I was building several years ago.

Growth requires change. It requires new prices, clearer standards, firmer boundaries, and the willingness to disappoint people who were very comfortable with your old level of access.

But none of that automatically compromises your integrity.

Your integrity lives in whether you tell the truth, keep your commitments, treat people well, and deliver what you said you would deliver.

It is NOT measured by whether everyone can afford you, whether you continue giving away your expertise, or whether somebody from an earlier season approves of what your business has become.

The hard part is remembering that when criticism lands on the exact thing you care deeply about.

How I Handled It

Now, I could have “blocked and blessed,” but because integrity matters to me A LOT, that comment got under my skin A LOT because it did not criticize my marketing strategy. It questioned who I was at the core.

But, since I didn’t know how to respond, I reached out privately to a few people who had worked with me and asked that, if they felt comfortable, would respond based on their own experience working with me

(and I intentionally did not contact the people who would have shown up with brass knuckles ready to throw down…you know who you are 😉😆)

I didn’t tell them what to write, but they responded with thoughtful, specific stories about their experiences with me and others who I had NOT reached out to chimed in as well.

Nobody was on the attack, but they did remind me, publicly and clearly, that one person’s interpretation did not erase the evidence of how I have led and served.

In the end, she deleted her comment without another word, which, unfortunately, also deleted every kind response beneath it before I could save them, but I remember what they said and the whole thing reminded me of something I learned years ago as a brand-new high school math teacher.

You should always have a “Smile Folder.”

Teaching was going to include hard days when we felt like we were doing a terrible job, so we needed one place to keep the cards, notes, and messages from students, parents, and administrators that reminded us otherwise.

That folder wasn’t there so we could pretend we never made mistakes. It was there so one bad day or one angry person didn’t get to rewrite the entire story.

Business owners need the same thing.

Keep the client email that made you tear up. Save the message from the peer who noticed how hard you worked, the testimonial that named the transformation, and the note from the mentor or coach who saw growth in you before you could see it yourself.

Build a little bank of evidence you can return to when criticism hits the part of you that is most tender, not because every critic is wrong and not because you should ignore honest feedback, but because you need enough perspective to tell the difference between useful correction and someone reacting to a boundary they don’t like.

This Week’s Challenge

This challenge has two parts.

First, identify one boundary you’ve been avoiding because you’re afraid someone will interpret it as selfish, greedy, or proof that you’ve changed. Hold the boundary without putting your entire character on trial or writing a closing argument long enough to require a court reporter.

And if you want AI to help you sort through the noise, name the boundary, head to the Notion AI School community for this week’s The Refill prompt. It will help you complete the challenge without turning one uncomfortable opinion into a full-blown identity crisis before your second cup of coffee.

Second, create your Smile Folder. Make it a Google Drive folder, a page in your Notion dashboard, or a physical folder if paper makes you happy. Start depositing the testimonials, messages, cards, and observations that remind you what your work has meant to real people.

Then email me or send me a DM and tell me the first piece of evidence you’re putting into it or the boundary you’re finally ready to hold so I can support you in that!